I AM FULL OF FAIL!
I’ve said it once & I’ll say it again: Hell is a tiresome, strenuous place. Now, you may be thinking, “Well, duh Melissa. Take you this long to figure it out?” The answer is yes. Now, BioWith & I had our issues leading up to November, and only days before the month started, I was kicking around going another route. I did not, however, because it is so incredibly important that I cross that 50k mark and win this year on so many different levels. The most important level is (sadly) to reassure myself that my ex-husband truly didn’t rob me of as much as I thought he did. Matter of fact, if I can succeed, maybe I won’t hate him as much as I do. Over two years later, it’s still asking a lot – but hey, I’m not a callous nasty hateful person. True story. One of the managers at work calls me Sunshine & I’ll continue owning it.
Regardless. I need planning, since it has been so long since I have been able to write & changing game plans that late in the game was unacceptable. Not to mention I’ve had this story idea in my head for years. Well, it’s coming along fairly nicely. It has since morphed into something I did not necessarily want, but hey! That’s what December edits are for!
I was a sizable chunk of words below where I should have been all last week in order to hit that 50k by at least November 30. I pushed hard, focused, and about lost my mind catching up. What happened since Thursday night? NOTHING, save for 1100 words on the dot Friday afternoon. ZOMG I AM BACK TO WHERE I WAS BEFORE. After Cairo gets up from her nap, we are going to play a bit & then I am parking my butt in a place with a lot of caffeine and I am aiming for 5000 words. I need around 3600 AGAIN to get to where I need to be, so now I need some padding.
My weekend thus far has been pretty great, but I really need to focus. And I have a research paper due tomorrow for a class I have all but forgotten during my month long trek to writer stardom. My failing GPA will have to wait to thank me until my first book sells. Whenever that may be.
But I am sitting here, knowing full well I have some extra time and should really get on the ball, but what am I doing? This & not writing. I don’t want to go back in there. My story is starting to stall – I know where I need to go, but it’s not getting there – and frankly, this whole “oh gee, Melissa’s subconscious is going to throw a dead body in Hell” business is driving me bananas. Part of me wants to go in & rip it all out, but that would erase a good 3k words. This is about getting words out, not fixing them.
All that being said, I don’t want to go back to Hell to fix it 
BAH. HUMBUG. If nothing else, this is an incredible learning experience & I can’t wait til it’s over so I can get my free published copy of my crappy book and then chop it to bits in editing.
SOMEONE SAVE ME.
& again I fail, for this was almost 600 words that would have been fantastic to fit in my novel. UGH.
Hey, friend.
Don’t beat yourself up about the break from writing you took. You’ll go crazy or burn out if you don’t rest. That said, you’re doing awesome, and don’t give up!! You can do this. A dead body in Hell does present its complications, but perhaps there is a way to solve the problem in another way (though I can’t think of any off the top of my head).
Anyway! Good luck on that research paper, and on digging in once again to finish your goal!
one time i wrote a paragraph. it sucked.
Just write. NaNo is not about making sense or writing well. Sit down, open your paragraph with a bang; throw something random in there. Bring a character back from the dead, preferably a villain or a love interest. Kick your hero where it hurts!